you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
