He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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