You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
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It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
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Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
wow bdsm is so cute
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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