i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I believe in your delicious
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
