if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
