don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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