i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least š
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Some sorority went āDick or Treatingā at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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