She announced her abortion via fbk
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
