You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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