your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
