you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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