i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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