Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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