Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
