Your mouth is God's brothel.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
this boner is exhausting
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
