Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
