last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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