I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
