he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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