He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
