Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize