yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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