hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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