I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
