And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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