Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
