i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
