i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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