barbara walters just said penis...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
