I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
