there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
