Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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