I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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