I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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