I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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