I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
