You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
