your parents love me but you hate me
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
