I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
