We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
