I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
