i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
