i already hear my dad disowning me
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize