the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
