i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
