Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I will be naked everywhere
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
