I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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