Christians are straight up FREAKS
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
