I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
