me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
