this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
