Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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