I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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