I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
