I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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