Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
