Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
