You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
