Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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