I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
