It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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