gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I can't turn off my feet"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
