If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
