you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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