i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
