don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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