3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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