and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
This is not my ceiling
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
