I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
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Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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