remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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