So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
